一年之計

二零一四年一月一日，我們幸福又散漫的過了一天。有幼小孩子的人，像我這種，假期大部分時間都是和孩子過；再者此假期我有兩個使命：幫Caelum戒奶咀和戒尿片。

戒奶咀比想像中容易，我叫他自己扔掉，他扔掉後每次問起我就告訴他是他自己扔掉了，他就算數，久而久之連問都沒有問了。

戒尿片是有進步，但離完全不用片還有一段大距離，仍需努力。

昨晚我去了教會的感恩祈禱會。我一向是一個很少反思、安於現狀的人，這一夜卻令我想起了不少。我是不是對自己的錯誤盲目，又或者刻意不理會，也不願意改變？我是不是在信仰上沒有用過心？

這些年來心裡都有一兩個結，總叫我進退失據。我沒有信心在二零一四年完全解開，但在二零一三年最後這兩個月裡，我開始設想要怎樣向前，而不是只在糾結、糾結。該放下的便要放下，該忘記的便要忘記。

如能忘掉渴望，歲月長，衣裳薄。

寫得我有㸃情緒低落，還是說別的。二零一四年我立了志，嘻嘻，某人幫我錄下來以作為証。各位，我會努力的！

Now go!

"I have been silly," she said to him, at last. "I ask your forgiveness. Try to be happy . . ." 

He was surprised by this absence of reproaches. He stood there all bewildered, the glass globe held arrested in mid-air. He did not understand this quiet sweetness. 

"Of course I love you," the flower said to him. "It is my fault that you have not known it all the while. That is of no importance. But you--you have been just as foolish as I. Try to be happy . . . Let the glass globe be. I don't want it any more."

"But the wind--"

"My cold is not so bad as all that . . . The cool night air will do me good. I am a flower."

"But the animals--"

"Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies. It seems that they are very beautiful. And if not the butterflies--and the caterpillars--who will call upon me? You will be far away . . . As for the large animals--I am not at all afraid of any of them. I have my claws."

And, naïvely, she showed her four thorns. Then she added:

"Don't linger like this. You have decided to go away. Now go!"

不是偶然

今天下午吃飯時碰到以前的counsellor和她的丈夫，我當時正好抱著Caelum，冒昧地走上前跟她打招呼。
「是Candy嗎？」
「是哦。」（人家當然不認得我）
「我是Jacqualine。我幾年前來過你哪兒呢。」
「哦，是嗎是嗎！」
「這個是我的兒子。」
「噢，這麼大了！」
我試著叫Caelum叫她，然後便說再見，走了。

介紹自己的孩子時，其實我心裡面滿是話語，由衷的想謝謝她，想說現在我很幸福了，想說現在我改變了，想說她跟我說的都在我生命裡或快或慢起了作用，想感謝她以一個基督徒的模式去教導我，想說真的很慶幸有過她在我困難的日子幫我看清楚，想說是她教我如何和這個世界連結起來。

結果我甚麼都沒說出口，但我想，給她知道我現今有家庭有孩子了，也是一種無形的表達。

有些人可能對counsellor非常存疑，有些人可能覺得他們都只會說，有些人可能會說他們也只不過做一份工作。我只想說我實際受惠了。縱然對方過後或者不會記得，但我仍終身得益，因為她當時是用心的對待我和我的事情，實際了解並協助，而不是求其當我和所有人一樣虛應故事。我相信很多counsellors都是有心人，不是求其當做一份工的。

所以若你曾在猶豫要不要求助，我會勸你不需要猶豫，只要存虛心，願意接受自己有不足之處並願意改變，我覺得總是有好處的。

Winter has arrived

Winter has arrived. There was no autumn this year. Temperature dropped rapidly in two days. This is Caelum's second winter, but the first that he can walk and run around. Here in Auckland we don't snow.

After two weeks of rain we finally get some sunshine today. We were out in the garden after a long afternoon sleep. Caelum loves outdoor. He can walk up and down the stairs now. :)

小甜心

熟悉我的人都知道我左邊膊頭上有一像瘀痕的胎䏯。今天Caelum幫我槌肩時看到，立刻指著並露出很痛的樣子，又發出不安的聲音。我告訴他那是不痛的，不是弄傷了，他還是不太肯定，然後彎下身來親了那胎䏯兩親。

一邊覺得好笑之餘，一邊覺得窩心。

註：附照片解釋一下實際狀況。