At last I have split myself into four expressions. This is how I can keep the balance, and my secrets.
My secrets.
Occasionally I have one or two secrets, but I tend to express them as a non-secret way. Kind of like Dexter talking about his urge of killing in the NA group:
Dexter Morgan: I'm Dexter and I'm not sure what I am.
Narcotics Anonymous Group: Hi, Dexter.
Dexter Morgan: I just know there's something dark in me and I hide it. I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he's driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don't fight him, I don't want to. He's all I've got. Nothing else could love me, not even... especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because lately there are these moments when I feel connected to something else... someone. It's like the mask is slipping and things... people... who never mattered before are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me.
Oh my addiction is not drugs or killing, of course. Come on, don't be silly.
21 September 2008
17 September 2008
16 September 2008
Migraine
Last night I had severe headache which causing nausea. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't. Since I don't have nausea normally with headache, it wasn't something usual. However there were several times in the past I got a severe headache with nausea. Last time was about half a year ago (I think?), that time I cried in bed because little-prince was not here and I felt so painful. When he came back he was shocked and thought there was a robbery or something like that.
So my Dr. J said from my answers to his questions it's probably a migraine. Can you believe that Dr. J actually sent me a wikipedia link to migraine instead of throwing me a book or medical terms or barely understandable medical explanation? Anyway... so I probably had migraine last night. I was strong, I didn't cry this time, because little-prince coincidentally told me not to cry if I have severe headache at night before he went out. I was good.
Apparently I shouldn't continue to sit in front of the TV until my condition became too bad, because TV's light and noise had been making my migraine worse actually. I didn't know that. Actually it's the same for last time, I was watching TV from my PC, and was getting worse and worse, without knowing that I was probably photophobia and hyperacusis at that stage.
Unfortunately, the trigger is very hard to identify. I forgot what did I do or eat or what so special about the day last time when I have migraine. I will try to remember what had happened yesterday and if I get it again next time hopefully I will be able to identify the trigger.
Maybe, at the end, it's just stress... hahaha.
So my Dr. J said from my answers to his questions it's probably a migraine. Can you believe that Dr. J actually sent me a wikipedia link to migraine instead of throwing me a book or medical terms or barely understandable medical explanation? Anyway... so I probably had migraine last night. I was strong, I didn't cry this time, because little-prince coincidentally told me not to cry if I have severe headache at night before he went out. I was good.
Apparently I shouldn't continue to sit in front of the TV until my condition became too bad, because TV's light and noise had been making my migraine worse actually. I didn't know that. Actually it's the same for last time, I was watching TV from my PC, and was getting worse and worse, without knowing that I was probably photophobia and hyperacusis at that stage.
Unfortunately, the trigger is very hard to identify. I forgot what did I do or eat or what so special about the day last time when I have migraine. I will try to remember what had happened yesterday and if I get it again next time hopefully I will be able to identify the trigger.
Maybe, at the end, it's just stress... hahaha.
Ski Trip 2008
Let's talk about the Ski Trip. The Ski Trip was on 5th September to 7th September, but I only ski on the 5th September afternoon, so practically it's a relax trip for me rather than a ski trip. As usual, I didn't take camera nor photos, so I am going to use André's, Juliana's, Helen's and Shakeel's photos to fill this space with a bit of pictures.
Day 1
We met at the office 7:00 a.m., yes, early in the morning. André's target is to get to the mountain afternoon to have ahalf a day ski. On the way down south, I had been sleeping most of the time. Actually I needed to sleep most of them time since I get car sick easily if I am not driving or sitting at the front. To me the way down was quite quick since when I opened my eyes we were at the National Park already. See the photo below for proof. Due to the bad experience I had last year on snowboarding, I had chosen the safer option again, i.e. skiing. See I was happily at the Happy Valley (yes, yes), no problem at all!
That night I went to sleep around 9ish. Man, skiing is a tiring sport!!! (I surely have improved though, surely I have!)
Day 2
There were 8 of us decided not going up to the mountain. Unfortunately Hafiz car can only fit 7 people, but Joseph won't wake up unless we wake him up anyway. So the seven of us decided to drive to Wanhanui and muck around instead. On the way to Wanganui we stopped by Rakaka falls, and our photographer Helen took an artistic photo of the flowers in chilling weather. In Wanganui we saw the tram in progress. Actually, we went onto the tram and I rang the bell. Later the day we went to Countdown to get some food for the night. We had some problem with Hafiz car when we were to start our way back, but all sorted by Shakeel and Hafiz. Again on the way I was just sleeping and sleeping to prevent getting car sick. I went straight to the spa on my own when we arrived the lodge. Very comfy. :)
At night we had a full on BBQ with beef, chicken, mushroom, corns, bread... everyone was satisfied (since there were no pork?!). Since I didn't go skiing, I was not tire at all. André, Joseph,Tahseen, Shakeel and I played Compatibility, Poker and Scrabble till nearly 2 a.m. - I know we were naughty, haha.
Day 3
I woke up at 7:30 a.m. because André said that's the latest time we should be up although after I woke up I discovered that a lot of people were still in bed, anyway. Strange that I wasn't sleepy at all. So we had breakfast, packed up, and ready to go. I was in another car on the return trip and I insisted that I have to sit at the front. Tahseen nicely gave me the shotgun seat. Joseph was the one driving us back. It was the first time I stopped on the dessert road, it was the first time I stopped at Lake Taupo, and it was the first time I stooped at Huka Falls. Then we went for the luge and it was the first time I attempted all three tracks! Ivy and Helen went to Rainbow Springs while we are up there doing luge - remarkably André nearly "killed" Pedro's wife on the luge (well a bit exaggerated I guess...)!
I didn't (have to) sleep at all on the way back from the south because I got my front seat, which was cool because I didn't want to sleep in the car anyway. The trip was good, quite relaxing and lots of fun.
The only sad thing was Bhagya's message. When we were at around Bombay, i.e. the edge of Auckland, Bhagya sent a message to André's phone saying that Sasanka's dad just passed away in Sri Lanka and they were flying back that night. Sasanka and Bhagya went to ski trip with us as well but on day 3 they went back to Auckland straight without stopping at Taupo and Rototura. The bad news came after they were back home. André was very upset about it. I was quite upset too. That was New Zealand's Father's Day. When my dad came to pick me up from the office, I expressed my sadness and felt glad to see him on the Father's Day.
Day 1
We met at the office 7:00 a.m., yes, early in the morning. André's target is to get to the mountain afternoon to have ahalf a day ski. On the way down south, I had been sleeping most of the time. Actually I needed to sleep most of them time since I get car sick easily if I am not driving or sitting at the front. To me the way down was quite quick since when I opened my eyes we were at the National Park already. See the photo below for proof. Due to the bad experience I had last year on snowboarding, I had chosen the safer option again, i.e. skiing. See I was happily at the Happy Valley (yes, yes), no problem at all!
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Day 2
There were 8 of us decided not going up to the mountain. Unfortunately Hafiz car can only fit 7 people, but Joseph won't wake up unless we wake him up anyway. So the seven of us decided to drive to Wanhanui and muck around instead. On the way to Wanganui we stopped by Rakaka falls, and our photographer Helen took an artistic photo of the flowers in chilling weather. In Wanganui we saw the tram in progress. Actually, we went onto the tram and I rang the bell. Later the day we went to Countdown to get some food for the night. We had some problem with Hafiz car when we were to start our way back, but all sorted by Shakeel and Hafiz. Again on the way I was just sleeping and sleeping to prevent getting car sick. I went straight to the spa on my own when we arrived the lodge. Very comfy. :)
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Day 3
I woke up at 7:30 a.m. because André said that's the latest time we should be up although after I woke up I discovered that a lot of people were still in bed, anyway. Strange that I wasn't sleepy at all. So we had breakfast, packed up, and ready to go. I was in another car on the return trip and I insisted that I have to sit at the front. Tahseen nicely gave me the shotgun seat. Joseph was the one driving us back. It was the first time I stopped on the dessert road, it was the first time I stopped at Lake Taupo, and it was the first time I stooped at Huka Falls. Then we went for the luge and it was the first time I attempted all three tracks! Ivy and Helen went to Rainbow Springs while we are up there doing luge - remarkably André nearly "killed" Pedro's wife on the luge (well a bit exaggerated I guess...)!
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The only sad thing was Bhagya's message. When we were at around Bombay, i.e. the edge of Auckland, Bhagya sent a message to André's phone saying that Sasanka's dad just passed away in Sri Lanka and they were flying back that night. Sasanka and Bhagya went to ski trip with us as well but on day 3 they went back to Auckland straight without stopping at Taupo and Rototura. The bad news came after they were back home. André was very upset about it. I was quite upset too. That was New Zealand's Father's Day. When my dad came to pick me up from the office, I expressed my sadness and felt glad to see him on the Father's Day.
Girl Power!
ASD Quarterly Spring 2008 is out! For people who have no idea what it is, ASD Quarterly is our team magazine and we just have our 3rd edition ready.I wrote the lead article for this edition on the topic "Girl Power!", which is about the girls in the ASD team. For this edition André and Warner had took some photos of Szu-Yu, Helen and I in the park opposite to our office. Releasing photos prior to the edition is forbidden, but even though the edition is out now, I am afraid that Szu-Yu and Helen would be angry if they find out I put the photos here. So I think...hmm...maybe just a few... :) 
Helen has a very pretty one that I am really tempted to put it here... let's see... if someone put that on facebook, then I will put it here... 
P.S. Since Helen said this is her favourite photo (too), so I am going to put it up here before anyone put them onto facebook!
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