I have been pondering on this for quite a bit of time, and I am still not sure what to do, how to change myself, and in what way I should change to. I mentioned my struggle to a close friend, he said just keep trying to love, no need to force myself. However I just can't make myself easy on this. I do not know why I am feeling so uncomfortable, and I also do not know how I can make myself feel less uncomfortable. I do not even understand whether I am angry or disappointed or disgusted or feeling betrayed or what. It's like a piece of dirty rubbish that I do not want to get close to. On one hand I say it's none of my business, on the other hand I feel so sick about it.
Guess once I am hurt, I am not easy to forgive.
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