Dive into negativity

I am in a bad mood. I think I am.

This is one kind of worst situations, that you know he's in a bad mood, which easily causing me to have swing my mood as well, but I cannot blame on him, or tell him I am not happy, or be angry with him.

So it's like... I have to be the sink for the negative emotions of both of us.

James said that today I seem to be happier than usual. Oh, did I? Do I? I am not sure, but I do feel as hollow as usual, maybe emptier.

Post your secrets

Let's talk about the idea about PostSecret.

Some people find it hard to understand why would someone like to post secrets to random people, or even expose to the public. A guy made a comment that it's like writing blog, and he thought eventually writing blog is for people to read. I disagree, partially. I never want everyone come to read my blog, coz most of them would not understand.

Anyway, a secret is not a secret if the content is not being linked to a particular person you know, i.e. not in context. Look at some examples on PostSecret:

"When I'm with you, I wear my sexiest thongs......(Just in Case)"
"My fiancé is secretly gay. And it secretly turns me on"
"Once I kissed a boy and I thought I was pregnant"

You may think they are interesting, or funny, or sad, but they are not so much a secret to you until (IF) you find out that they are related to people around. Imagine if you had found out that I had posted the first one, then you may wonder who is the "you" that making me wearing sexiest thongs, which is a more real secret now. Imagine if you had found out that I had posted the second one instead, then you may also had found out some secret about my little-prince. The third one is not going to be an interesting secret no matter who post it, because it is not current and not important, i.e. a boring statement that is so random that not sure why someone would have treated it as a secret.

I would like to know secrets of some people, it just give a sense of closer relationship. Not that I want to dig out things that they don't want to share. I think people who share secrets, display a close and intimate relationship - kind of sexy and romantic. Note that it has nothing to do with a boy-girl love relationship.

Some sort of surprise

It was pretty amazing and unexpected.

Labour weekend

我提早回來了，因為掛心我的王子。這兩天的假期非常好，享受著陽光與海灘，還有spa pool，很舒服呢。然而爸爸打電話來告訴我後，我真的很擔心小王子，所以就趕回來了。昨晚王子沒怎麼睡，希望今晚他可以睡好一點。

By The Sea

She can walk out anytime, anytime she wants to walk out, that's fine,
She can walk out anytime, anytime she feels that life has passed her by,
And when I start my new life I won't touch the ground,
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.

He can walk out anytime, anytime he wants to walk out, that's fine,
He can walk out anytime, across the sand, into the sea, into the brine,
And when I start my new life I won't touch the ground,
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.

So we sold the car and quit the job
and shook some hands and wiped the make-up right off,
And we said our good-byes to the bank
left Seven Sisters for a room in a seaside shack,
And when I start my new life I won't touch the ground,
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.

it's by the sea we'll breed
into the sea we'll bleed

沒下雨

雖然一早的humidity就93%，下午烏雲也有點厚，而我的右腿仍有風濕痛，但時至夜晚九點十分，天還是沒有下雨。估計錯誤是一件好事，我不喜歡下雨呢。猶記起很高分那篇中學昨文談下雨天，說我很喜歡雨天，那全是大話呢，雖然那篇文很高分，還免謄。

Weather prediction

"Tomorrow's gonna rain."
"Why?"
"Coz my leg is feeling a bit painful."
"Oh...Does that mean you should not drive the yellow car tomorrow?"
"...that's what came up in your mind?"
"Ummm...so do you need any heat rub?"

My little-prince cares about the new car more than my leg pain, so sad. :(

So close

We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Happily ever after

今天逛Whitcoulls時，通常播著兒童片的電視正播著Sleeping Beauty的結尾，就是公主和王子跳著舞，穿紅衣和穿藍衣的fairy godmothers不停地改變公主的裙子的顏色那一段，播著的歌是主題曲Once upon a dream。聽著便唱起來的我，感動得有點想流淚呢。。。我是停留在童話時代的人吧。

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yet I know its true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you
I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream

回家後立刻躲在房裡看了Enchanted。非常喜歡。

iMAgiNiff

Sunday we were playing iMAgiNiff at E's home. There were three rounds I kept thinking about them afterwards.

1. If I were on a bus with a celebrity I like, what would I do?
Everyone picked 2 for me, i.e. "I would ignore him". Myself picked 4, i.e. "I would say 'Hello' but respect his privacy". Little-Prince said he would have picked 2 for me as well. I started to wonder, would I really just ignore him eventually? Maybe I were not that brave to say "Hello"? Maybe the others were all right and it's just myself not knowing myself good enough? haha...

2. If I were a punctuation, what would I be?
Although there were 6 answers to choose from, my mind was just choosing between two: a Question mark and an Exclamation mark. I wanted to choose Exclamation mark. My interaction with the world is more like an exclamation than a question. Nevertheless, I had chosen a Question mark at the end, because I know S had chosen that for me, and I also knew that E would pick the Exclamation mark. After this round, besides rethinking whether I am a question or an exclamation, I am also amazed by the fact that I knew exactly what they would pick for me.

3. If he were an emotion, what would he be?
This has nothing to do with me, but interesting to mention what people have selected. Everyone had selected "bored", while E and I had selected "romantic". As I said, for me this was a round about honesty VS getting point, and I had chosen the earlier. It wasn't a hard choice, it's just funny.

暴風雨過後

醫生很有心的傳了短訊給我，問我最近怎樣，是不是不開心，叫我照顧自己。很感動呢。。。雖然我不太喜歡別人問候我，然而別人的心意我還是領受的。安德魯也有問我怎麼了，說有點擔心；我也告訴他已處理好了，不用擔心了。

我是沒興趣和別人分享問題的人，除了一個人以外。在這個人面前崩潰，我想我只是希望得到安慰。他是唯一一個我期待的人呢。。。其實我滿喜歡間中發生這樣的事情，聽起來有點變態，但這樣歇斯底里，反讓我覺得有。。。愛情的感覺，何其轟烈。

我大概是真的有點兒那個。

Settled

Everything's settled. Back to normal.

Today I left work early, but at least we got things sorted.

Guess there're not many choices for a couple who are in love anyway. Predictable outcome.

Just a matter of past and present, things overlapping and influencing each other. Our childhood, our past, our brought up, things that have been broken and never get a chance to fix. One's feeling insecure, one's feeling scared.

it's nothing

I am not happy, and I do not know why I am not happy.

There is something missing. I feel hollow.

I want to say no one cares about me, but the truth is that I may not want anyone to care about me as well.

Am I being loved? Am I loving people around me?

Am I observing people in their cages? Am I in a cage being observed?

Seem to me they are all from another planet, another world.

Or I am from another planet, another world.

What am I doing here?

He's used to my melancholy. Nothing special, nothing to care, nothing to comfort.

I am so empty.

Where's my soul?

I am not unhappy. I am just... not feeling anything.

Torture me till I realise I am alive.

Or torture me till he shows his care and worry, then I can feel my importance, and I am being loved.

秘密

小王子問我的秘密是甚麼，我想了許久，終於想到了一個。既是秘密，當然不打算公諸於世。想了許久之故，當然不是因為我沒有秘密，只是要想小王子不知道的秘密，則比較難一點，有些所謂的秘密，也不是甚麼他會有興趣的東西，所以也不算是秘密。

我認為沒有人會對之感興趣的就不是秘密。說出來，聽者只會打呵欠的，算甚麼秘密呢。。。秘密是好奇的副產品，若不能叫人好奇，也就沒成秘密的價值了。

我倒是有一籮筐的秘密，並且認為所有人也有一籮筐的秘密，大都牽涉對別人的真正看法和感情；或家人，或朋友，不太認識的人，及至憎恨的人，人們都藏著一籮筐的秘密，甚至連自己也瞞騙了許久。

以為我算率直嗎？何嘗不是適當的裝飾一點，騙自己，騙別人。

False hope

I hope it's for me. Though I do not think it is.

Diet of Worms

Come across this term: Diet of Worms.

Haha, unless you know what this is, otherwise I bet what's in your mind was wrong.

A Dream (interpretation)

This is a very interesting dream. I think it represents the way I see God and reality.

The shy boy is the creator of the mask I am wearing at the beginning of the dream. Then he tries to communicate with me by creating two other figures. These two figures are him, in different shapes and sexuality. They do different things and communicate with each other, but actually they are one. In the dream I understand that the boy is the same as the parents although I see them talk to each other. The boy does not talk to me anymore after he has created the parents, until he started to explain the 3D objects he created. As I said, he's a shy boy. The mum is the one doing the talking and making pancakes. The dad greet me, look at me and smile, but hasn't say much.

The boy then talks about the reality he has created. One of my hypothesis about reality is things only exist when you interact with them, and only the parts you see exist. So most of the time things are hollow, with outer 3D shape if you look at it in a 3D way. As you go inside a shape, e.g. changing battery for your wireless mouse, structure inside the mouse and the batteries also are 3D shape. All you see is the outer walls of things. For internal things that you cannot see, they may as well not exist.

Interesting. I thought my brain would be full of 70-528 Web-Based Client Development exam practice test questions last night.

A Dream

I had a dream this morning that I shall write it down. It is not the only dream I had last night (plus this morning), but it is an unusual dream. Note this dream is in cartoon style. To be clear, I am going to use some images.

I am a young boy in a blue and white horizontal strips T-shirt. I have just met another young boy who's in a green and white horizontal strips T-shirt.

"Remove it", he said.

Then I remove my mask. It is not a face-mask, but a full head mask.


"How do you know that, did Eric tell you (that I wear a mask)?", I said.

This guy took my mask, point onto it and said "Here is my signature. I made this."

Then he took out a mask and wore it onto his face. He has became a shy young boy. I watched him took out another mask and put it onto an object, and that object became a living man. This man didn't talk much, but he greeted me in some way. I stared at him and didn't say a word. The shy young boy saw that I was not very comfortable with this man, so he pulled out another mask, and out of nothing, he created a living woman who's wearing an apron.

"Do you want some pancake?", she asked. Before I say anything, she turned her back and started making some pancakes for me. She had some conversations with the shy boy while she's cooking. At this point I understood that these are parent figures.

The boy turned to me and started talking. "I can create 3D objects", He said, and he took out a big piece of glass brick.


This glass brick is huge. He first showed me the side highlighted in yellow in the daigram. It's hard to explain what I see, the closet analogy is like looking into a fridge with the fridge door opened. "You see, this side is 3D. But it's not just that. When you are looking from the side, it is also a 3D image.", he said, while he was turning his glass brick and showing me the side highlighted in green.


After that he took out another piece of huge glass brick, which is divided into small squares. the four side of every square has a 3D image, but the middle is empty. The is a small insect in one of the square to prove it is empty.

Then my alarm woke me up.