Dexter 1-1

Dexter started on TV3 this week. It has taken over Monday 9:30-10:30 slot. As I said, this is one of the most AO TV series. With this expectation, I still found a little bit scarier than I thought. The scariest parts lie in the unseen. Things that are happening off screen are the most thrilling part. I like it.

If I have a sociopath son like Dexter and I know he has the need of killing, what would I do? Would I do what Dexter's foster father did, teach him the rules, teach him how to cover the track, teach him to kill following the rule: kill only killers? I think I would not, I don't think anyone deserves death sentence execution by any mean. So what would I do? Take him to some Freudian fellows? I don't think they can do anything good.

Dexter is kind of the worst case scenario: not just need to kill, but kill in a psychopathic rite. He kills like a butcher, chooses the right knife to chop specific parts. Acquiring a drop of each victim's blood begins the ritual and putting it behind the fake air conditioner completes it.  By the way, the chopping part is what you cannot see on screen.

Interestingly at the end of episode one, Dexter has been "threatened" by the The Ice Truck Killer. He was happy and excited. This reminds me my guesswork on Paul Avery's mental status when he got Zodiac's forewarn letter. Paul was not sociopathic, but he was so into Zodiac, so I guess he's 20% excited and 80% scared. Dexter is 100% looking forward to the game, the killer competition.

Cool.

NANA 74話

看蕾拉的樣子，老蓮肯定是掛了！

依拓實的說話，拓實還是做了吧。。。唉～是工作的一部份？為了保護城堡？然而拓實還是對奈奈特別好的，就算要下地獄，還是希望奈奈和小皐好好生活下去。

小蓮非常可愛！

Mimicking

最近我和小王子常有意見上的分歧，繼而有點爭執。雖說覺得小王子對我不夠好，我還是意識到另外一個理由。說出來可能很難令人明白，但我又知道是一個原因。

身邊的朋友戀愛有阻滯，竟影響了我的情緒。我愈覺得不安，便愈多次試探小王子的界限；而且不想自己太幸福，幸福令我覺得更不安；不想別人覺得我很愛他，不想別人覺得我甚麼都為他做，所以在別人面前對他也沒好聲氣的。

我想我在無意識mimic著別人不愉快的情緒和思想，擴大我的多愁善感。絕對不是刻意的，然而要小王子明白，相信太難。

我也不太明白。

oops...

Crap that I didn't know Symbol, Wingdings, Wingdings2, Wingdings3 and Webdings by default do not show in Firefox and Opera!

24042008 ASD Dinner and Bowling

Last Thursday our team went to the Vietnamese restaurant in Pamure after work and did bowling later the night. It was the day before ANZAC holiday. We had 15 people for dinner and several more for bowling.

It was a good dinner with lots of laughter. Before the food arrived, Szu-yu took out her new digital camera (which she claimed is her "husband") and shot some photos.

One remarkable interesting thing was, Ivy's the one who drank a bottle of Archer before dinner and face turned red, but Szu-yu was the one showing drunk behaviour without any drinking. Ha ha. 

From these pictures you can tell that Pedro, Ivy and Ken, Helen, myself, Stephen, Andre, Hafiz, Harshal, Tahseen, Joseph, Warner, Paul, Szu-yu and Andrew were at the dinner.

We were probably the noisiest group at the restaurant, but not at the bowling. Many people there were pretty full on. The group on our right even got their team uniform and the group on our left shout for every single good bowl.

I have to admit that I am pretty hopeless in bowling. I could not keep it in the middle, nor make it roll fast. Maybe the pins were dodging from my bowling ball.

We do have a lot of team building activities in our company. The last one we had was Moses' farewell dinner at Pearl Garden, which was two months ago. Have to thank Joe for paying for our bowling games this time. It's fun to see Paul and Hafiz attempts on bowling, Joseph's expertise, and Andre's quick learning ability. So even though I didn't do well (and will never do well in bowling I guess), it's fun to play bowling with these guys. This is also the first time I meet Jovy, Mark's girl friend. She's playing really well (much better than Mark, ha ha :P). Yeah, so, it's a great night!

Yeah Right!

I am very annoyed when some people make some comments about something that they don’t really know what have happened. If it’s your daughter being touched, I wonder how you are going to tell your daughter to tolerate and forgive and if he does that again just tell him not to do that once again. Should we wait until somebody being seriously harassed? You think we didn’t give him any chance? Even his mum said she told him a lot of times already. You knew that? I bet you don’t. You think he doesn’t know exactly what it means and doesn’t know he shouldn’t do that? Yeah right, he even knows all the rugby rules. I don’t think some basic boys and girls contact rules that we’ve told him many times he does not get it at all. Actually every time someone tells him not to hit someone shoulder that hard, he instantly understand and back off, but do the same thing again next time. Is the rule “not to touch girls” that hard to understand and remember comparing to offside rule, ruck and maul rules, or the point system? Tell us to teach those girls to tolerate? Yeah right, that’s not your daughter, you would say that. Should we wait until your daughter become the next victim? Yeah trust whatever his mum said and blame those girls not being tolerated enough. What a considering thought! Next time tell people to forgive sociopath that kill their families; tolerate psychopath for them may not understand the damage; excuse the rapist that have some sort of mental issue and maybe a pathetic childhood. Hey, maybe you want to blame the people who cannot forgive, tolerate or excuse the sinners in these cases as well?

Ancient Damnation! Thanks a lot for your pure trust on his unreasonable and unspeakable mum. Why not sacrifice your daughter to save the others?

Visceral

I went to Philosophy of Arts tutorial today. We were talking about Baugh's and Davies' views on Rock VS Classical music. Baugh phrased "the material or 'visceral' properties of rock", which I found it very difficult to understand.  What does "visceral properties of rock" means? What "visceral" means? Here's what Dictionary.com says:

vis·cer·al Audio Help /ˈvɪsərəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[vis-er-uhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–adjective

1. of or pertaining to the viscera.
2. affecting the viscera.
3. of the nature of or resembling viscera.
4. characterized by or proceeding from instinct rather than intellect: a visceral reaction.
5. characterized by or dealing with coarse or base emotions; earthy; crude: a visceral literary style.

These definitions are not good enough for me to understand when I have to tide this word to rock music. I still don't understand.

In the tutorial, the tutor asked us to think of some non-visceral rock music examples. Since I don't even know what it means by "visceral", of course I cannot give any example of "non-visceral". Anyway, Radiohead came out from someone's lips.

So I went onto YouTube to do my listening research. After listening to Creep, No Surprises, Karma Police, Fake Plastic Trees, Street Spirit, Just, Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, and You, I think I have a little bit of idea what "visceral/non-visceral" means. Hmm... I like non-visceral music.

Birthday!!!

So, today IS my birthday! I am happy.

Last night Little-prince and I had a nice Japanese Dinner. It was just the two of us. Later Johnny, Leanne, Bob and "Bob so" come to our house with a cake. It was a good night, chatting and playing Wii. Today my team had prepared a cake for me, lots of cream, taste so good, ha ha. Tonight I am having dinner with my family, and again, a yummy cake is gonna be there! XD

Things to note...

I am still sick, and my brain is full of little bits and pieces: my essays, my trip with Ning and Ada, my mother-in-law's arrival, work et cetra. Therefore I don't have mood for celebrating my birthday. Actually, I knowledgeably know my birthday is this Wednesday, but mentally can't really feel it. So I guess I am not going to do anything special with friends this year. I think Sal was asking me on Friday night about my birthday, but I was sick and wasn't in a good mood, so I kind of impolitely ignored what she asked. The more correct way to say this is I could not process what she's been talking about at that moment.

What so special about birthday? Actually I do not understand why many people think their birthdays are not special and it's "just another day". I always think birthday is a special day. It is a day that you can look forward to and feel happy about. I think someone remembering your birthday is a wonderful thing. It is not about pressies and not about parties. It's all about "remembering" and "looking-forward-to". I know it's a circularity here: I am happily looking forward to it and I am happy that people remember it because it's special, and it's special because I am happily looking forward to it and people remember it. Well, who cares! Life has too many boring stuff and we definitely need days like this.

Therefore, not feeling my birthday is coming up is a big sad thing for me.This is something I look forward every year but this year part of me just seem to forgetting about it. You may say since I am talking about it now I must have "remembered", well, it's not like that. Now I am illustrating a fact, without emotionally engaged to this fact. I just feel sad. I hope I will start looking forward to it tonight after work, and as the deeper part of me realise my essay extension request is approved.

Oh by the way, one stupid thing of the day: I forgot my performance review completely! It's supposed to be at 8:00am, but I turn up work at 9:00 (again I am still sick and need sleep). Well, well, André and Simon will reschedule it, though now I may have to be the last one in the team instead of the first one! Haha...

從簡

別人渴望的愛情是怎樣，我不知道。我喜歡的愛情，是平淡而隱晦的。

說說瑣碎的事，甚至無聊的事，也有愛情的感覺。我們不會和不親近的人聊太瑣碎的，因為怕對方沒有興趣，又怕浪費對方的保貴時間。有時候甚麼也不說也是愛情，可能一起聽音樂，一起看電影，或者各有各看書，卻共佔著一個空間，令人安心的感覺。

當然，愛撒嬌的我，還是會偶爾抱怨要實際一點的行動來表達一下。世事沒有完美，實踐平凡愛情的男人，比時刻把熱情放在面前的男人好太多。吃不消，耗損我的精神和自由空間。我才不要糖黏豆。

紫微願

想起了《紫微願》的故事。

呂芳契向流星許願，要變回十七歲的樣子。紫微星的光與影路過地球，決定成全這願望。芳契活回去後，卻發現比自己小五年的關永實一點也不受青春稚嫩的一套。芳契自己的心理改變，及至周遭的人的態度，何其有趣。結果她決定重拾舊皮相，然而還是給小關發現她偷偷留下了五年的時間。

這是亦舒另一本帶科幻味道的小說，非常溫馨的愛情故事。有小關這樣的男人，實在不能有甚麼投訴。

Positivity

See Video

you say what you want to say
your diamonds are drops of rain
your smile is your credit card
and your currency is your love

and the morning is for you
and the air is free
and the birds sing for you
and your positivity

watch out

so you play where you want to play
on the main streets where the creeps all pray
and you can feel like you're in dynasty
and you can be what you want to be

and the morning is for you
and the air is free
and the birds sing for you
and your positivity

and the cars crash for you
and the sunshine is free
and the sirens call you

yes the morning is for you
yes the air is free
and yes the world spins for you
and your positivity

positivity

Imaginary Friend

我以為許多人都有至少一個Imaginary friend，卻是無法證實這個假定。奇怪的是Wikipedia竟有談及Imaginary friend，看過後我才知道在成年人裡是不太常見的。

Imaginary friend不一定是從外觀到性格甚至思想結構也是想像出來的，可能是有真實的人作藍本，而性格則根據自己的意念加以修改。Imaginary friend的思想通常有別於自己的模式，並能彌補自己的不足。人們能跟Imaginary friend交談、爭吵、分析，甚至在溝通的過程得到安慰。

有時我也會跟他說話，往往是我有煩惱，或有想不通的事情的時候。

網上診斷

在Google Talk裡以「沒有自殺」，「沒有藥物或酗酒」，「沒有幻聽」這三個理由，我的私人精神病醫生斷定我沒有BPD。他說我有的應該是SFH - Si Fat Han，即Itchy A＊＊。我說我有一二三六七八九，醫生說我已結婚，不算有第二項，除非我要離婚了。我無語，哈哈哈。醫生叫我別盡想些和我沒關係的事情。

可能我有妄想症呢。。。小王子也常說我有被害妄想症。。。

Don Quixote

See Video

Since I have been talking about my "obsession" of knighthood, maybe I should mention Don Quixote. I come across this in the Problems of Epistemology lecture. I have not read this book yet, but I would read it if I have a chance. It has to be a real book though, I hate e-books.

Alonso Quixano, a fiftyish retired country gentleman, lives in an unnamed section of La Mancha with his niece and a housekeeper. He has become obsessed with books of chivalry, and believes their every word to be true, despite the fact that many of the events in them are clearly impossible. Quixano eventually appears to other people to have lost his mind from little sleep and food and because of so much reading. He decides to go out as a knight-errant in search of adventure. He dons an old suit of armor, improvises a makeshift helmet, renames himself "Don Quixote de la Mancha," and names his skinny horse "Rocinante." He designates a neighboring farm girl, Aldonza Lorenzo, as his ladylove, renaming her Dulcinea del Toboso, while she knows nothing about this.

He sets out in the early morning and ends up at an inn, which he believes to be a castle. He asks the innkeeper, whom he takes to be the lord of the castle, to dub him knight. Don Quixote spends the night holding vigil over his armor, during which he becomes involved in a fight with muleteers who try to remove his armor from the horse trough so that they can water their mules. The innkeeper then "dubs" him knight advising him that he needs a squire, and sends him on his way. Don Quixote battles with traders from Toledo, who "insult" the imaginary Dulcinea, and he also frees a young boy who is tied to a tree by his master because the boy had the audacity to ask his master for the wages the boy had earned but had not yet been paid. Don Quixote is returned to his home by a neighboring peasant, Pedro Crespo.[8]

Back at home, Don Quixote plots an escape. Meanwhile, his niece, the housekeeper, the parish curate, and the local barber secretly burn most of the books of chivalry, and seal up his library pretending that a magician has carried it off. Don Quixote approaches another neighbor, Sancho Panza, and asks him to be his squire, promising him governorship of an island. The rather dull-witted Sancho agrees, and the pair sneak off in the early dawn. It is here that their series of famous adventures begin, starting with Don Quixote's attack on windmills that he believes to be ferocious giants.

Although the first half of the novel is almost completely farcical, the second half is serious and philosophical about the theme of deception. Don Quixote's imaginings are made the butt of outrageously cruel practical jokes. Even Sancho is unintentionally forced to deceive him at one point; trapped into finding Dulcinea, Sancho brings back three peasant girls and tells Quixote that they are Dulcinea and her ladies-in-waiting. When Don Quixote only sees three peasant girls, Sancho pretends that Quixote suffers from a cruel spell which does not permit him to see the truth. Sancho eventually gets his imaginary island governorship and unexpectedly proves to be wise and practical; though this too, ends in disaster. The novel ends with Don Quixote's complete disillusionment, with his melancholic return to sanity and renunciation of chivalry, and finally, his death.

(Plot Summary from Wikipedia)

A Knight's Tale

It is a little bit too fortuitous. I was thinking about "changing one's star", which is what William Thatcher's father told him all the time in A Knight's Tale, while I am flipping my new Marie Claire magazine. Then the next page, Heath Ledger it is.

Heath is one and a half month older than my little-prince. He died early this year, after he has completed his role in The Dark Knight - this time as the Joker, not the knight (batman) - a bit of waste of his pretty face.

I love A Knight's Tale. Well, have to admit that I love all sorts of knight stories (actually my brother and I are very into Merlin, King Arthur, and the Knights of the Round table). I bought this DVD couple of weeks ago. A Knight's Tale is a predictable story: poor guy with some friends, want to become a knight but he is not of noble birth; met a pretty noble girl and fall in love; got a chance to know the Prince and built a friendship; a bad guy hates him, want to pull him down from his success; the bad guy discover his secret but the Prince saved him; finally beat the bad guy. Very predictable, nothing extraordinary, but I am very happy and very into it when I am watching. I was clapping when everyone's clapping, tearing when the Thatcher family reunion, and cheering when the bad guy lost. It's probably a good reason why I should watch DVD at home by myself. At the end I watched through all the special features and felt so satisfy and joyful.

RIP, Heath, it was a good movie, and you are a good knight.

分婚

我討厭見到相愛過的人分離，然而若問我為別人的期望、對方的感情或過去的經歷而勉強到最後，還是放下這些羈絆一刀切斷，我會提議後者。從來不相信在一起一定比分開好，也不相信有任何人的關注合該委曲不相愛的人。我不贊同為孩子而不分開這種行為。單親固然不好，但不相愛卻勉強同住的父母更差勁。負責任的父母分開也會共同照顧及供應孩子身心的需要，而不負責的父母勉強住在一起也只會各有各往外跑。既然連小孩我也不認為是足夠的原因，怕不會找到更嚴重的理由要我和不愛的人繼續一起。

無奈人都是軟弱的，怕面對孤獨，也怕要向人交待。這樣的軟弱或也有好處，至少叫人考慮久一點才作出選擇。無論選放棄還是繼續，都是一場賭博，皆有可能得到完滿或痛苦的結局。

有朋友和另一半分居中，他們有四個孩子。未是離婚，只是分開冷靜一下先，也不是有第三者。四個小孩也跟著媽媽。夫妻兩人都是非常好的人，是一個很好的基督化家庭。聽到這個消息我也很驚訝，摸不著頭腦。或許平日太忙太亂，家裡又有四個孩子，放工後連相愛的時間也沒有，於是慢慢忘記了愛，發現不能再在一起。希望在分開的時間裡，他們能重新找到相愛的感覺，相愛的證據。

若是最後真的不能再相愛，那在一起也沒有意思。兩人也是負責任的父母，想來不在一個家裡住也是會共同照顧孩子的。我是孩子的話寧願是這樣，總好過父母兩人在家吵吵鬧鬧，或冷語相對。見得少，多些尊重，和和諧諧，還能像好朋友。

老弟

昨晚媽媽說弟弟還在學校，我第一個念頭是「有orchestra嗎」。過了一會媽媽說Elsa的媽媽會駕車接載他們回家，我才記起弟弟已經不在Macleans College了。他是一個大學生呢。直到現在，弟弟在我眼中還是個孩子，像父母看兒女般，可能是因為他比我小七年吧。

今天在大學碰見弟弟，他還是像孩子一樣。用手poke我，又指著我的headphone問是甚麼，說好醜。又說現在去吃點東西，我提起手上的香腸麵包，他就說他也常吃這個，餓就會買來吃。我總覺得他還是小孩的心思。何時才會長大到我覺得他長大呢？有可能永遠都不會吧。

身邊有別的「家姐」對我還覺得弟弟是小孩持非常否定的態度，認為那樣是錯的，認為他們一定不想我們認為他們還小。我委實不知道，所以不能贊同。老弟從沒有叫我別當他是小孩。我們的對白通常也很白癡，而當我認真說他時他也從來沒有說他已長大了不用教訓。其實我也很想聽聽身為「弟弟」的人是怎樣想的，然而我身邊的盡是些「家姐」。

只希望他好好的讀書，不用我們擔心就好了。

Ta Matey

我很怕人家跟我說謝謝，因為我不知道之後該說些甚麼，所以我總有點衝動叫對方略過這一部份，或自己說些別的胡混過去。

道謝和道歉也是很正常的人類群體生活的行為，然而無論是授受我也覺得很不知所措。最好可以迴避這種交往，可是人們會覺得很沒禮貌吧。

人和人的相交真是充滿著矛盾呢。

註：寫信或電郵的道謝和道歉比較好。文字就好了。

是一個誤會沒甚麼可悲

非常王菲的一首歌，所以我一聽就頗喜歡。看來我的品味來來去去都是那幾款呢。。。

我討厭這場愛情遊戲
來的是我 去的是你
我懷疑今後我會睡不醒
流淚的心 讓我窒息
你一字一句在我腦裡
越來越重 語氣不輕
你眼神點綴你的表情
笑得有諷 不近人情

聽說懦弱不再是我秘密
我愛得哭得沒有氣質
也聽說你笑了 瀟灑了
愛了愛得翻天覆地
好一招聲東擊西

我討厭回憶我感覺很累
是一個誤會 沒甚麼可悲
我懷疑愛上了一種頹廢
得過且過 不能後悔

聽說懦弱不再是我秘密
我愛得哭得沒有氣質
也聽說你笑了 瀟灑了
愛了愛得翻天覆地

聽說懦弱不再是我秘密
我愛得哭得沒有氣質
也聽說你笑了 瀟灑了
愛了愛得翻天覆地
好一招聲東擊西

你走的時候眼神很美
有了解脫 沒有負累
你說的話有一點韻味
乾脆俐落 助我心碎
這也好 這也好 這也好

愛情

甚麼是愛情。要不變的才算愛情？要愛上靈魂的才算愛情？若某一天不愛了，算是從沒有愛情嗎？若愛上一個人的眼神，算是愛情嗎？為甚麼愛，為甚麼不愛，為甚麼不變，為甚麼改變。。。或者能想出一個大概，但無論哪個原因也可以不是原因。心動很容易，相愛很難。有一天不再愛，可以是因為他的眼神改變了嗎？還是要因為性格不合才夠大眾化？哪一個愛或不愛的理由才足夠賺得全世界的認同？愛不愛自己的是偉大，愛愛自己的是合理，不愛愛自己的是殘忍，不愛不愛自己的是自私。相愛前不愛是選擇，相愛後不愛是薄情。

姦遊記

兩位小姐五月來訪紐西蘭，雖然與安德魯在斯里蘭卡的日子有點重疊，我也是決意請數天假的了。小王子很體貼的叫她們在這裡住，他去做廳長。再算吧，我們也不會常在奧克蘭啦。

三個小學同學出遊，還要都是小姐呢。希望我們三個相安無事，平平安安的把行程安排得妥妥帖帖吧。

結果

最近用多了英文寫網誌，倒不是有甚麼特別原因，純粹是懶散而已，且腦子有點英語。

昨天二叔二嬸抵達奧克蘭，明天就要回港。我從昨天起請三天假，希望自己也能休息一下。今晚在我們家舉行西式燒烤，也請了小王子的姑姐姑丈，一同測試這個剛裝嵌成功的燒烤爐。當然是小王子裝嵌的了，我哪有這樣的氣力。

今天終於知道了結果，我真的非常高興，是好消息呢。記得小王子那天回來時帶著的神態，說起過程時那種興奮，我知道他真的很喜歡很喜歡，我也知道很適合他。他的眼神流露的喜悅感染著我，我知道他很希望得到，所以我也很希望他得到。喜歡看他真心歡喜的模樣，沒甚麼比這更能使我心感滿足。

小王子知道後其實有點忐忑，多愁善感的一面突然傾出。看著現在共事的人立刻開始有點不捨，只差沒有哭吧。看他這樣實在有點好笑，是之前沒有設想的離愁別緒，哈哈。人生的決定，總是有得有失的。小王子，無奈你也是要長大的哦。

盡都是不想活在現實卻又無法逃離現實的人們。

好容易好不容易

說起「不容易」，讓我想起「好容易」和「好不容易」。在現代白話寫作裡，「好容易」和「好不容易」兩者也可以代表「容易」和「不容易」，舉例：

「好不容易（就）把那女孩騙到手了。」
「好不容易（才）買到了他的簽名唱片。」

「好容易（才）養活一家八口。」
「好容易（就）草草畫了幅圖。」

然而實際上「好容易」和「好不容易」也是「不容易」的意思。以「好容易」為「容易」或以「好不容易」為「容易」皆是較現代口語的寫法。

「一路幾乎遇不見人，好容易才雇定了一輛人力車，教他拉到S門去。」
（魯迅 《一件小事》）

「好容易船靠了岸，她才有機會到甲板上看看海景......」
（張愛玲 《傾城之戀》）

「宋遼之間好容易罷兵數十年，倘若刀兵再起，契丹鐵騎侵入南朝，你可知將有多少宋人慘遭橫死？多少遼人死于非命？」
（金庸 《天龍八部》）

「好不容易換了些金器，七湊八湊，才買得下，雖然單薄些，卻也費了我好多神呢。」
（白先勇 《玉卿嫂》）

「一見形勢不妙，急做話般補償。好不容易贏得一個男人，萬不能大意失荊州。」
（李碧華 《青蛇》）

「多年來，我與他的感情似一本尚未打開的書，內容不為人知，如今好不容易已翻開扉頁，又何必心急，已經等了這麼些年。」
（亦舒 《圓舞》）

等待結果

小王子和我還在等待中。等待是很困難的一件事情，然而天上的老父每每總是要磨一磨我們。玉不琢不成器，或者等多兩等，我們會變得有耐性，且甚麼事發生也能乍漫不經心。雖然我不認為我們能進步很多。

當然我們希罕得到，可很希罕不等如會得到。無論結果如何，過程或者更重要。小王子所經歷和學習的，不是結局能夠換取。至少讓他有一個清晰的該念，知道自己想甚麼，要甚麼，希望得到甚麼。

當然，處理失望往往也不容易。