Considering

I may drop the Latin paper… which is a sad thing for me. Nick, Joe and mum all told me to drop, and I said I will think about it. They are just worried that having my work, my study and “this complication” it’s not the right time to continue. They rather I slept for those hours.

I don’t know. I really love my study, but if you ask me whether I can be sure I am going to be well for the net 4 months, I surely can’t guarantee, especially some of my m/s symptoms are back these days, having a little bit of hard time everyday – luckily not too much.

Virgil’s Aeneid XII.

I even bought the book already! So no matter I am going to drop the class or not, I am still going to read it! 0_0

My dear Virgil… forgive me if I am not going to study this paper!

上學去

約七時左右，我已經泊好了車子，步行上傾斜的道路，向學校前進。一大清早，四下沒有甚麼人，只有工人們準備着建築維修的設施，快要開始工作了。學校甚是空盪盪，賣食物的地方還沒有營業，書店也是關着的。剎那有一點淒涼的寧靜。

也用不着等多久，四周開始熱鬧起來。新學期，總會有許多學會攤檔，有些還未到八時就擺好了，尤以辯論會最有效率。我決定先到班房坐坐，還有一小時才上課。

天漸漸光亮了。這房間八時沒人上課，所以我可以一人霸佔整個房間。聽着隔壁課室的老師的聲音，和蟬的震動聲。

Changing

When we've changed, we are making people around us to change as well, purposely or not, doesn't matter. Sometimes without us ourselves knowing, sometimes we are aware of it. Again, it doesn't matter. The fact is, we are all changing people around us, and we ourselves are all changing because of the people around us are changing.

My dreams also keep changing every night, and they become more and more not understandable. I have created all these locations, all these places, on and out of this earth. Yet I am not changing anyone in my dreams. I reflect people in my dreams.

Great Day Out~

English Service Outing today. I have been under the sun for 3 hours but nothing much changed. Took so many photos, over 200! Crazy aye! Personally there are some more remarkable ones than the others.

1. Lily white Pastor Sun and Chocolate tan Ada

2. Out of no where Victor has decided to show off

3. Photo of the camera girl with a long lens from my s90

4. John Keats – for one sec, I thought. LOL

5. The Matrix

6. The sea lion

7. The Jabberwock

8. Snake charming

9. The group photo

These summarised the funs. I have been sitting there taking photos most of the time since I cannot play the games anyway (and honestly no energy to do so). However I have shared the fun from them it was a great day. Great weather, great gathering, great love between us.

less than 100%

According to the ultrasound estimate, baby is about 8 weeks already. Realistically, I think he/she is about 7 weeks and 3 days.

Now feeling 100% these few days. I guess it's always going to have hard time in this whole 9-10 months period. At least I can eat, I can sleep, better than that single week of suffering.

Devastation

Earthquake in Christchurch yesterday and it’s so much devastation. The whole country is now in distress. I have been watching TV for hours yesterday afternoon, watching the helpless situation. 38 confirmed dead at the moment, but fears 300. Things were destroyed in a minute, people lives were taken both quickly and slowly. Aftershocks keep coming. Nowhere seems to be a safe place. It’s heart breaking. The rescuing work is pretty tough too. Polices, St. Johns,  Navies, Armies, Air Forces… from all over the country have been deployed to Christchurch, and also people from other countries offering us help are arriving. No one knows exactly how many injuries are there, and how many lives we have lost. Some people are still not contactable. Cabinet are considering whether to declare a national state of emergency or not. Christchurch is a ruin at the moment.

God defend New Zealand.

煞有介事

某天，和朋友E說起ICQ年代。他說我跟他說了一件事是他一直都記得的，就是我會把事情寫在紙上接成星星燒了它們。

其實，都是愛情愛情。我說那時候年輕，總是「懶」型「懶」emo。把感情寫滿了一樽紙星星，然後過一段時間，開始要忘了那個人，就一把火燒了，「懶」瀟灑的玩火。

現在想起來，幼稚不堪，低級十四五歲愛情小說的劇情。果然年輕就是煞有介事般。

至於我說我一直記得的事情，是對方說他真的很愛這個女孩，並說他知道一生只會愛這個女孩，非卿不娶。好笑的是，差不多內容的句子，我聽過兩次，從兩個人口中所出，對象一樣。現在當然都已成過去。

自從自以為可以愛一個人十年結果捱了年半後就轉換目標後，我已不敢高估自己。大概每個人都要經歷一下高估自己的堅守和忠貞的階段，才落得現實，知道自己實在有幾多斤兩。

有時候，愛情的感覺比想像中脆弱；所以我們需要愛情的單薄感覺外的其他東西，譬如責任，感情，尊重。

大概自十四五歲起，我長大了一點。

Equality Part II

「其實RJ同R頭一樣啫，都係痕嘛。」
「吓，咁理論上RJ係你喺街唔會做，R頭就OK嘛。」
「可能以前覺得R頭都唔得呢？」
「我諗唔會啩。。。你試諗吓無啦啦有個女仔喺條街道R胸，會唔會有啲問題丫？」
「。。。」
「不過又真係好depends。。。如果個女仔好索又好勁嘅話，可能會覺得好性感。」
「係囉，一個靚女同一個肥花R，好唔同喎！」
「咁又係，想像吓Johnny Depp同一個麻甩佬RJ，Johnny Depp呢就。。。」
「係藝術！」
「麻甩佬就係咸濕同核突。又真係嘅。。。」

20110219 Ares & Mami’s Wedding

Today’s Ares and Mami’s wedding. We were not certain whether we have seen Mami before, but anyway, here she is, Ares’ wife now. I have a feeling that Ares getting married denotes an end of a period and represents a start of another. I still remember those days, we walked in a circle around a small piece of grassland again and again, talked about all sorts, while Chris standing in the middle playing his guitar. He was playing Beyond’s and Andy Hui’s songs. We sang, it was fun. Funny that everyone thought there’s something between us because we had been talking so much and for so long, but we both knew it’s nothing like that. Anyway, that’s the past. So today he’s married, and when I looked around, the only people whom he had invited were only the close friends (well I don’t know about the people I don’t know though).

I had took a picture with the groom, one on one, before the wedding started, before the bride was here, haha.

And of course, took a legendary bros photo – too bad that they were not in the right position – but I guess you have no choice since the bride and the groom has to be in the middle this time.

And yes, Anthony was there! One you would only see in some special occasion, or coincidentally bump into him in shopping malls. This was the first time he met Charis, ET and Rebecca’s baby girl (a very large baby girl…), and he spent quite a long time playing with her, even in our coffee time after the wedding refreshments. Chris was playing with Charis too – I wasn’t sure whether this was the first encounter of them. And yes, the Moks were very into bonding with Charis too. This little princess! ;)

 

 

Tired

I am very tired at the moment but I cannot go to sleep this early (9:12pm) because I have just finished my dinner. Need some time for my digestive system to process some food.

Pregnancy always make you sleepy.

圓舞

過去了的，就是過去了的；時機不對，怎樣追也追不回來。錯過了就是錯過了，再勉強也沒有辦法。錯了就是錯了，結果已成，許多事都不能改變，不能更正。你可以嘗試，但不可以抱怨。兜兜轉轉，不一定會回到起點。

亦舒有一本小說叫《圓舞》，我很喜歡。不是很多人喜歡這書，因為男女主角的年紀相差太大，有些人覺得變態。我記得在最後最後那一次重逢，周承鈺與傅于琛有以下的對話。

「我們做錯了甚麼，承鈺，如果這是圓舞，為甚麼到頭來，雙方經歷這許多不同的事與人卻沒有與原先的舞伴離場？」

過了許久，我說：「也許音樂不對，也許我們聽錯了，也許是另一种舞，不是這個跳法，我們表錯了情？」

那不是圓舞，轉了又轉，大家都錯了。根本走不回一起了。

Contraria mens

Typical mummy thought: when you have morning sickness (which is never just morning), you feel terribly bad and rather not have all these problems; when you not have morning sickness, you worry that there is something wrong with the fetus.

I am feeling very well this week, very very well. Still too sensitive to smells, but over all, can't be better. Enjoying a comfortable week, hope everything is okay and this kind of luxury moments can continue.:)

批皮

每次用peeler批蘋果皮都覺得自己有點廢，因為我媽是用小刀批的，而且不常斷。我嘛，用刀批是完全沒可能的，就是用peeler也常斷，非常失禮。

我絕對認同會用刀批蘋果，不論男女，乃一種美德。值得推廣，值得學習，值得崇拜。

另外想起了看過某人單手打蛋，也覺得非常神奇，值得崇拜。大概我是個很容易驚訝的人。

Mirage

Lives are never equal. No, I am not saying this because I have been traumatised or what. I am just stating the fact purely and calmly. Comparing my life and the life of a Prime Minster of a country, who has so many responsibilities on his shoulders, so many people waiting for his decision, my life definitely worth less. It make sense. For someone who is more important to more people in this world, surely has a higher significance. Why would people ever think people could be equal? It’s better for me to be expended than the president. It’s just normal. Some lives are more expendable than others. You can try to deny this, and say every life is equal, but it’s never the truth of the world.

You pay to see somebody’s concert – and if this famous singer should die many people would mourn for ages. Not the same for a beggar dying in winter coldness. Their lives are not equal: you praise for the contribution of the former, and doubt that there is any contribution of the latter.

There’s no equality, between rich and poor, men and women. Don’t get me wrong, I have no anger to this society, I believe this is how life should be. Queen bee has a different status for sure. Worker bees can die, but Queen bee can’t until there is a new one. So clear you mind up if you are looking for equality – don’t chase a mirage.

Getting Excited

This was so exciting. I have never experience this before. I wasn’t prepared to see anything because a lot of people said they cannot see anything at this early stage. Nevertheless, I saw it! I was like… “OMG… is that it!" So THAT’s it.” It’s an amazing experience.

So what is this about? Hmmm, for people who still haven’t realised there is an extra tab next to the "”Home (Domus")” tab, maybe it’s time for you to go and have a look. Ya, the one named “Ephemeris graviditis”.

Finally this becomes more real to me.

Ultrasound

OMG, I saw heartbeat. I wasn't expecting that. People said it's not always possible to see a heartbeat in 6 weeks, but here it is. The technician said baby has a strong heart, 132bpm. I can see it beating fast too.

Let me attach a not so meaningful (unless you are pro) picture here...

***

By the way, the technician said fetus is 6 and a half week. Well, my baby must be growing very fast, coz I am sure it's only 6 weeks! Big baby!

Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day, but no special plan because I would have no idea what I can eat what and what not earlier.Turn out today I have an okay appetite, ate Wendy's Ultimate Chicken Grilled burger and chick nuggets for lunch, haha.

Ultrasound tomorrow! Excited? Yeah... but it's too early to see much anyway, so I know I won't be able to see a lot from it.

好了點

這兩天好過了一點，雖然依然很早睡著，半夜也會起來，但整體上來說就是好了點，可以活潑些少的吃多些少。

也可以說點別的。

今天是情人節，可能力是最沒甚麼特別的情人節。我們只是回家和爸媽吃晚飯。因為沒甚麼體力出外吃飯，又不會早一天知道有沒有胃口。回家嘛，沒胃口可以不吃，出外就不可以了。

前些時候重看了Star Trek (2009)。看剛開始那裡看得我眼紅紅的，好可憐。

近況

若有人問近況，只有一個答案：辛苦。

由年初一病到現在，未有一天不辛苦過。有些天能吃，有些天不能；但能吃不能吃也可以夜半起來吐。四肢痛頭痛頸痛膊痛乃正常，而最新加入的是胸口痛，或坐或躺皆不行。有時睡得了，有時睡不了；然而睡不了也不是有精神做甚麼，通常都是對抗着其他問題。無心機，無體力，全靠意志。

非常辛苦，希望不要太久。

Good day!

Today I feel much better! No, not 100%, still wanting to throw up all the time, but less today. And I can eat! That's very important. I couldn't eat for two days and lost a bit of weight. Since I can eat today I made myself eat quite a bit: 1 cup of milk and 1 egg sandwich for breakfast, 1 nectarine fruit, 1 cup of Ribena and 3/4 chicken kebab. That's a lot compare to the past two days. That's probably more than all I have eaten in 2 days!

What a success, good girl kiu kiu, good bb. Thank God for that.

可能可行之列

粉仔
蘿蔔糕
皮蛋瘦肉粥 （不含鉛可吃？）
菜飯
豉椒排骨飯
叉燒芥蘭炒飯
黃芽白粉絲走蝦米
紅蘿蔔粟米湯
青紅蘿蔔湯
桑寄生蛋
無肉羅宋湯
白菜烏冬無磨菇
薑汁撞奶
燉奶
西洋菜湯
雞絲粉皮


再想。。。

A note about life and death

So after a week, body has been found. I can’t imagine if Nick should die what I would do. Yes, one day we all die, but at this age, at the moment, while we are all young and living an adequate life, if all of a sudden one should go, it would always be one of the hardest thing. Especially, it’s an accident, not a sickness, not something expected, no time to plan ahead, no time to prepare.

Though preparation doesn’t make it too much easier, usually.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."  -- Mahatma Gandhi

Searchers find body in Clutha River

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10705102

11:59 AM Wednesday Feb 9, 2011

Searchers in a jetboat looking for 28-year-old Roxburgh man Paul Wilson have found a body in the Clutha River north of Beaumont.

Police said additional staff were making their way to the scene.

Mr Wilson went missing last Wednesday around midday at the Talla Burn stream near Beaumont where he was taking water samples.

- NZHERALD STAFF

遠行

某夜造夢，乘兩行雙座位飛機抵達旅行目的地。那是一座很巨型的塔，在海中心，環顧四周無陸地蹤影，是被孤立在汪洋中的地方。沒有長跑道給飛機升降，也不需要，因為飛機緩緩地轉進了彎曲的入口就停住了。

拿行李的地方非常簡單，大堂裡卻是吊着幾幅Klmit的畫作，印在油畫布上。取了行李，迅間來到了我的房間。一大道窗對着那無始無終的大海，沒有船，沒有海鳥，沒有霧。我明白了原來我的目的不是旅行，我是來被孤立、被分割出來的。

那夜，我沒有意識到自己想停在那裡多久。

Vomui

So everyone has to have their first time, and I had mine last night at about 2:30am. Well, actually not everyone has thrown up during their pregnancy before. I am not sure was it because of my sickness, or was it because I am pregnant.

Anyway, today I am much better, cold is gone - still doesn't feel like eating much though - but I still ate a corn!

Sick

I am sick, all these times, since last Thursday! Crazy isn't it. Can't take med except panadols, sometimes can't sleep well, so it's very slow to recover now. My Chinese New year with baby in my tummy was not fun.

Everyone in the Church seems to know already. I have no idea how. Many people came to me and said "Congratulations", but I didn't tell these people. Well, it's interesting to see how things spread so fast within a church, and you know, Chinese people. Again, as I have said before, I don't mind people knowing, given they don't mind they might be disappointed if anything happen. I know this sounds pessimistic but this is exactly what my worry is.

I hope BB is fine. He's sanctified to God, God will take care of him.

初五照病

年初五，繼續病。好耐無試過病咁耐。通常呢啲咁嘅情況下我都會大聲（有氣的話）嗌「我就嚟死喇！」要知道咱們家百無禁忌，死只係一個好普通嘅topic，閒時老爸老媽都會講「就死」或者「想快啲死」或者「死死啲嘢」（係，我係疊字王因為我爸媽都講疊字），不過新年流流，我地係又講唔係又講啫，同人地講都係小心啲好。

今早勉強有返工，依家要瞓覺。

Paul Wilson

Search widened for man missing in Central Otago

Paul is Whiter's boyfriend. He's missing for two days already. People are still trying to find him. I have no idea about the survival chance in this situation, but we should always have a positive hope in us.

Another sad news within a day. All my friends, take care.

Patricia Ofrasio

Patricia is a very nice girl. She's the one in orange in the first photo, and the one right in the middle in the second photo. She’s very cheerful, happy, cute and energetic. I love her smile, and I love the way she presented in the Imagine Cup competition. She did very well.

This is my team, Team Proactive.

Patricia passed away last night.

Rest in peace, my girl. We will miss you so much. :’(

初一抱恙

大年初一，病。通常過時過節，我都病。無得食藥，唔俾食藥，唯有靠老媽子嘅大舊薑煲片糖。唔見有好轉。聽日再唔好，老馮度見。

午睡不斷被電話騷擾，平時又唔見咁啱。

飯後終於睇埋本書。就係因為大小毛病，搞到本書要分咁多次睇，咁耐先睇完，真係對唔住本書。

瞓覺，最好就好番啦唔該。

Eating too much

Mum said I am fat, getting fat too fast, so eat less! Alright, alright, I want to look pretty too so I am going to eat less from tonight.

At the moment, extremely sleepy again. Maybe I should go home and sleep and work at home later.

蜜蜂那不甜蜜的尾針

前晚和小王子談起蜜蜂，不得不慨嘆那奇妙的設定。要知道，只是蜜蜂 (honey bee)的工蜂才有這詭異的，自殺式的尾針，其他蜂類是沒有的。有人嘗試以「工蜂沒有整個群體就無法生存」為由，解釋為何牠們進化成這種同歸於盡的形態，我倒覺得那太牽強。

如果閣下和我一樣相信創造的話，那是巧妙而精心的設計。

至於為甚麼是這樣，為甚麼是以小搏大賠上生命的設計，我可以有一些設想。而真相，則不得而知。

看似很微小的東西，充滿著奧妙。

Am I really gaining weight too fast?

The truth is: No I have only gained 0.3kg. However during night time, I can blow up another 1.5kg for some strange reason. Maybe it’s only water, maybe because I ate too much during the day. However after a night, when I wake up in the morning and weight again, it’s actually not much difference from my original weight.

Mind you that, compare to last year the same time, I have gained 3 kgs in the year.
Alright, so I have to stop eating continuously, unrestrictedly. Less carbohydrates. Not because I am trying to reduce weight now, just that I cannot let myself increase weight too quickly. Plus, 1.5kg difference between day and night, probably a little bit too much, not making too much sense. I better be careful on my diet. A little bit control is required.

Still have eaten a lot today – that was before my phone conversation with mum. So from tonight, I will try eating less, haha.

Friend’s wedding not the coming Saturday, but next'; also another one in early march, one at the end of March, and one at the end of April. I should really behave… behave, behave!

15 mins before meeting

I was feeling pretty good in the weekend, not much cramping, not much uncomfortable. Only yesterday I was really tired, slept in the afternoon, and slept early at night again.

Started listening to Mozart, although I do not think there will really be any advantage, more like an urban myth. Well, still, better than listening to stupid noisy music I suppose.

I have gained some weight already! Yes! Sigh... hope I won't get too fat at the end...!

Dad started looking at stuff in HK, and told me to see this site (layout is... not so good). Things are so expensive. No matter how good a news is, the reality side is always depressing, haha. Guess parents are a bit excited too. Myself? I am not dare to be too excited until I know this little thing here is healthy and will grow into a big thing.