I am seriously considering extending my graduated diploma to a double major BA degree. I have already completed enough Philosophy papers for a Philosophy major (if I pass the current one). That means from next semester I will be starting my second major plus some other BA papers. What other papers? It depends whether I am going to get a double major + minor degree, or a pure double major degree. If I am aiming for a minor as well, then I may make it either Italian or Latin.
Well, I am not sure whether I am going to do a BA yet. Still thinking. Yet I have decided what my second major would be if I am going for it. See the title of one of my blogs, you will know.
29 September 2008
23 September 2008
Merely matter does not matter
He said he doesn't understand why am I angry.
I am not angry. I am upset.
I was crying all the time. You didn't see it, you didn't hear it. Maybe it's a good thing.
I am not in my form... well matter is always in certain form. Maybe malformed.
I am not angry. I am upset.
I was crying all the time. You didn't see it, you didn't hear it. Maybe it's a good thing.
I am not in my form... well matter is always in certain form. Maybe malformed.
Facebook reminds me something...
There are two things I want to note on this screen shot.
1. Look at the red curved-corner rectangle. There the message is "X and Y happy anniversary and Congratulations for being a father soon!". I really admire the writer (and his wife) for being so loving and caring. For birthday, we remember closer friends' birthday, and facebook reminds you the not so close friends' one. Yes we often know when friends are pregnant, but remembering friends' wedding anniversary? Man, that's very impressive. I am always appreciated with the birthday, mother's day and father's day cards and presents this family send us, and I just want to say that there are more than that in this family.
Loving and caring, I wish I can do that naturally without making people feel that it is awkward. I remember last year I asked this guy whether his birthday was coming up soon and when was it going to be. Instead of telling me the answer, he told me to ask this couple because they always remember everyone's birthday. At last I didn't ask them and some how I found out this guy's birthday. I don't think he's particularly excited about birthday, but anyway, I kept his birthday in mind because I felt ashamed when he said this couple "have heart" (I don't know how to express this in English). I took it as I don't really care about people enough. Therefore, this year I bought a birthday present for him on his birthday. Apparently trying to be nice without being strange is not easy for me, at least my little-prince thought it's strange.
2. Look at the orange curved-corner rectangle. There is a guy that have 66 mutual friends with me but not in my friend list. Well, there is a reason for sure, although until now I have no idea what it is. Nevertheless, I don't want him to be in my facebook friend list anymore. Not that I don't like him, just don't want to. To be more precise, actually I want him to be out of my list, for some mysterious psycological reason. Maybe not that mysterious, I had experience similar reaction before when a girl friend of mine misunderstood something and pushed me away. I was quite upset at first and cried and cried and cried. Later I gave up, eventually turned into "I don't care about you and I don't want to be your friend". To be more precise, I wanted her not to be my friend.
Hmm, guess that's a complete opposite to loving and caring, haha.
jango
Thanks to jango, I have been listening to Brett's Wilderness and some older songs today at work (unromantically while my .NET 2.0 framework is doing some stupid thing, as well as my registry). Wilderness is much better than his previous solo album.
Crap that jango site is still down. I thought it said "a few minutes"?
Crap that jango site is still down. I thought it said "a few minutes"?
You said something...not really
We lean against railings
Describing the colours
And the smells of our homelands
Acting like lovers
How did we get here?
To this point of living?
I held my breath
And you said something
...you didn't...Why should you.
Brett, you are cool
Brett Anderson Explains How He Escaped The Rat Race To Find His Wilderness
- Luke Turner, September 10th, 2008 17:17
22 September 2008
Dance, dance, wherever you may be
Believe it or not, actually I love to learn dancing. I would love to dance. I think dancing is so romantic.
The problem for me is:
I would like to dance with someone who want to dance as well.
The problem for me is:
I would like to dance with someone who want to dance as well.
躲
今天選擇了留在家中甚麼也不做只因為心情不好。昨晚我便定意今天留在家中，一早起來便申報自己不太舒服。
心理上不適，也算是病吧。
最近我對工作上的一切都欠缺興致，有點希望能躲起來甚麼也不幹。我想是間歇性厭倦自己的工作，需要大休一會才能真正恢復過來。
今天，只是今天，讓我沒精打采，甚麼也不幹，盡說些沒意思的話。
心理上不適，也算是病吧。
最近我對工作上的一切都欠缺興致，有點希望能躲起來甚麼也不幹。我想是間歇性厭倦自己的工作，需要大休一會才能真正恢復過來。
今天，只是今天，讓我沒精打采，甚麼也不幹，盡說些沒意思的話。
21 September 2008
Some craps
Am I waiting?
emotional landscapes, they puzzle me.
Maybe I was waiting, but, not anymore.
I ought to give up. Not a choice, I ought to.
I don't like having dinner in small table with nearly-not-known strangers. Yeah you said they are not strangers, they came for dinner on our wedding. Yet to me they are strangers. They were strangers to me on the wedding dinner, and they are still strangers to me now. I don't even remember their faces! Sorry that if you are not happy about that. Well, at least I attended the dinner, I kept my smile when they looked at me, I talked when they talked to me. You cannot force me to accept they are not strangers, and you can't be angry that I am not comfortable with strangers. We were not on the same channel, not even close. I was bored. Like you don't want to come with us for the trips, I don't want to social with strangers; but at least I did go, which was so different from your anti-social behaviour. Of course, I wish I could say no too.
I have to admit that I am not comfortable with most of the people anyway, that's why I cannot stay in Hong Kong for too long. 3 weeks is the maximum I can stay, otherwise I'd have gone crazy very soon. People are mostly hard to deal with. They don't understand what you say, and interpret your words in their twisted way of thinking, and question the truth of your words unreasonably, and angry with you because of the reasons they have developed in their own imagination, and they have no sense of humour, and they don't get metaphors. When you talk, they think you talk too much and not respecting; when you remain silence, they think you are impolite and hard to communicate. You can't tell them you don't like to talk to them because you think you are on different channel, and you can't tell them their jokes are not funny, and you can't tell them their so-called sarcasms are too offensive.
Anyway.
emotional landscapes, they puzzle me.
Maybe I was waiting, but, not anymore.
I ought to give up. Not a choice, I ought to.
I don't like having dinner in small table with nearly-not-known strangers. Yeah you said they are not strangers, they came for dinner on our wedding. Yet to me they are strangers. They were strangers to me on the wedding dinner, and they are still strangers to me now. I don't even remember their faces! Sorry that if you are not happy about that. Well, at least I attended the dinner, I kept my smile when they looked at me, I talked when they talked to me. You cannot force me to accept they are not strangers, and you can't be angry that I am not comfortable with strangers. We were not on the same channel, not even close. I was bored. Like you don't want to come with us for the trips, I don't want to social with strangers; but at least I did go, which was so different from your anti-social behaviour. Of course, I wish I could say no too.
I have to admit that I am not comfortable with most of the people anyway, that's why I cannot stay in Hong Kong for too long. 3 weeks is the maximum I can stay, otherwise I'd have gone crazy very soon. People are mostly hard to deal with. They don't understand what you say, and interpret your words in their twisted way of thinking, and question the truth of your words unreasonably, and angry with you because of the reasons they have developed in their own imagination, and they have no sense of humour, and they don't get metaphors. When you talk, they think you talk too much and not respecting; when you remain silence, they think you are impolite and hard to communicate. You can't tell them you don't like to talk to them because you think you are on different channel, and you can't tell them their jokes are not funny, and you can't tell them their so-called sarcasms are too offensive.
Anyway.
My secrets
At last I have split myself into four expressions. This is how I can keep the balance, and my secrets.
My secrets.
Occasionally I have one or two secrets, but I tend to express them as a non-secret way. Kind of like Dexter talking about his urge of killing in the NA group:
Dexter Morgan: I'm Dexter and I'm not sure what I am.
Narcotics Anonymous Group: Hi, Dexter.
Dexter Morgan: I just know there's something dark in me and I hide it. I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he's driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don't fight him, I don't want to. He's all I've got. Nothing else could love me, not even... especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because lately there are these moments when I feel connected to something else... someone. It's like the mask is slipping and things... people... who never mattered before are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me.
Oh my addiction is not drugs or killing, of course. Come on, don't be silly.
My secrets.
Occasionally I have one or two secrets, but I tend to express them as a non-secret way. Kind of like Dexter talking about his urge of killing in the NA group:
Dexter Morgan: I'm Dexter and I'm not sure what I am.
Narcotics Anonymous Group: Hi, Dexter.
Dexter Morgan: I just know there's something dark in me and I hide it. I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he's driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don't fight him, I don't want to. He's all I've got. Nothing else could love me, not even... especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because lately there are these moments when I feel connected to something else... someone. It's like the mask is slipping and things... people... who never mattered before are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me.
Oh my addiction is not drugs or killing, of course. Come on, don't be silly.
17 September 2008
16 September 2008
Migraine
Last night I had severe headache which causing nausea. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't. Since I don't have nausea normally with headache, it wasn't something usual. However there were several times in the past I got a severe headache with nausea. Last time was about half a year ago (I think?), that time I cried in bed because little-prince was not here and I felt so painful. When he came back he was shocked and thought there was a robbery or something like that.
So my Dr. J said from my answers to his questions it's probably a migraine. Can you believe that Dr. J actually sent me a wikipedia link to migraine instead of throwing me a book or medical terms or barely understandable medical explanation? Anyway... so I probably had migraine last night. I was strong, I didn't cry this time, because little-prince coincidentally told me not to cry if I have severe headache at night before he went out. I was good.
Apparently I shouldn't continue to sit in front of the TV until my condition became too bad, because TV's light and noise had been making my migraine worse actually. I didn't know that. Actually it's the same for last time, I was watching TV from my PC, and was getting worse and worse, without knowing that I was probably photophobia and hyperacusis at that stage.
Unfortunately, the trigger is very hard to identify. I forgot what did I do or eat or what so special about the day last time when I have migraine. I will try to remember what had happened yesterday and if I get it again next time hopefully I will be able to identify the trigger.
Maybe, at the end, it's just stress... hahaha.
So my Dr. J said from my answers to his questions it's probably a migraine. Can you believe that Dr. J actually sent me a wikipedia link to migraine instead of throwing me a book or medical terms or barely understandable medical explanation? Anyway... so I probably had migraine last night. I was strong, I didn't cry this time, because little-prince coincidentally told me not to cry if I have severe headache at night before he went out. I was good.
Apparently I shouldn't continue to sit in front of the TV until my condition became too bad, because TV's light and noise had been making my migraine worse actually. I didn't know that. Actually it's the same for last time, I was watching TV from my PC, and was getting worse and worse, without knowing that I was probably photophobia and hyperacusis at that stage.
Unfortunately, the trigger is very hard to identify. I forgot what did I do or eat or what so special about the day last time when I have migraine. I will try to remember what had happened yesterday and if I get it again next time hopefully I will be able to identify the trigger.
Maybe, at the end, it's just stress... hahaha.
Ski Trip 2008
Let's talk about the Ski Trip. The Ski Trip was on 5th September to 7th September, but I only ski on the 5th September afternoon, so practically it's a relax trip for me rather than a ski trip. As usual, I didn't take camera nor photos, so I am going to use André's, Juliana's, Helen's and Shakeel's photos to fill this space with a bit of pictures.
Day 1
We met at the office 7:00 a.m., yes, early in the morning. André's target is to get to the mountain afternoon to have ahalf a day ski. On the way down south, I had been sleeping most of the time. Actually I needed to sleep most of them time since I get car sick easily if I am not driving or sitting at the front. To me the way down was quite quick since when I opened my eyes we were at the National Park already. See the photo below for proof. Due to the bad experience I had last year on snowboarding, I had chosen the safer option again, i.e. skiing. See I was happily at the Happy Valley (yes, yes), no problem at all!
That night I went to sleep around 9ish. Man, skiing is a tiring sport!!! (I surely have improved though, surely I have!)
Day 2
There were 8 of us decided not going up to the mountain. Unfortunately Hafiz car can only fit 7 people, but Joseph won't wake up unless we wake him up anyway. So the seven of us decided to drive to Wanhanui and muck around instead. On the way to Wanganui we stopped by Rakaka falls, and our photographer Helen took an artistic photo of the flowers in chilling weather. In Wanganui we saw the tram in progress. Actually, we went onto the tram and I rang the bell. Later the day we went to Countdown to get some food for the night. We had some problem with Hafiz car when we were to start our way back, but all sorted by Shakeel and Hafiz. Again on the way I was just sleeping and sleeping to prevent getting car sick. I went straight to the spa on my own when we arrived the lodge. Very comfy. :)
At night we had a full on BBQ with beef, chicken, mushroom, corns, bread... everyone was satisfied (since there were no pork?!). Since I didn't go skiing, I was not tire at all. André, Joseph,Tahseen, Shakeel and I played Compatibility, Poker and Scrabble till nearly 2 a.m. - I know we were naughty, haha.
Day 3
I woke up at 7:30 a.m. because André said that's the latest time we should be up although after I woke up I discovered that a lot of people were still in bed, anyway. Strange that I wasn't sleepy at all. So we had breakfast, packed up, and ready to go. I was in another car on the return trip and I insisted that I have to sit at the front. Tahseen nicely gave me the shotgun seat. Joseph was the one driving us back. It was the first time I stopped on the dessert road, it was the first time I stopped at Lake Taupo, and it was the first time I stooped at Huka Falls. Then we went for the luge and it was the first time I attempted all three tracks! Ivy and Helen went to Rainbow Springs while we are up there doing luge - remarkably André nearly "killed" Pedro's wife on the luge (well a bit exaggerated I guess...)!
I didn't (have to) sleep at all on the way back from the south because I got my front seat, which was cool because I didn't want to sleep in the car anyway. The trip was good, quite relaxing and lots of fun.
The only sad thing was Bhagya's message. When we were at around Bombay, i.e. the edge of Auckland, Bhagya sent a message to André's phone saying that Sasanka's dad just passed away in Sri Lanka and they were flying back that night. Sasanka and Bhagya went to ski trip with us as well but on day 3 they went back to Auckland straight without stopping at Taupo and Rototura. The bad news came after they were back home. André was very upset about it. I was quite upset too. That was New Zealand's Father's Day. When my dad came to pick me up from the office, I expressed my sadness and felt glad to see him on the Father's Day.
Day 1
We met at the office 7:00 a.m., yes, early in the morning. André's target is to get to the mountain afternoon to have ahalf a day ski. On the way down south, I had been sleeping most of the time. Actually I needed to sleep most of them time since I get car sick easily if I am not driving or sitting at the front. To me the way down was quite quick since when I opened my eyes we were at the National Park already. See the photo below for proof. Due to the bad experience I had last year on snowboarding, I had chosen the safer option again, i.e. skiing. See I was happily at the Happy Valley (yes, yes), no problem at all!
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Day 2
There were 8 of us decided not going up to the mountain. Unfortunately Hafiz car can only fit 7 people, but Joseph won't wake up unless we wake him up anyway. So the seven of us decided to drive to Wanhanui and muck around instead. On the way to Wanganui we stopped by Rakaka falls, and our photographer Helen took an artistic photo of the flowers in chilling weather. In Wanganui we saw the tram in progress. Actually, we went onto the tram and I rang the bell. Later the day we went to Countdown to get some food for the night. We had some problem with Hafiz car when we were to start our way back, but all sorted by Shakeel and Hafiz. Again on the way I was just sleeping and sleeping to prevent getting car sick. I went straight to the spa on my own when we arrived the lodge. Very comfy. :)
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Day 3
I woke up at 7:30 a.m. because André said that's the latest time we should be up although after I woke up I discovered that a lot of people were still in bed, anyway. Strange that I wasn't sleepy at all. So we had breakfast, packed up, and ready to go. I was in another car on the return trip and I insisted that I have to sit at the front. Tahseen nicely gave me the shotgun seat. Joseph was the one driving us back. It was the first time I stopped on the dessert road, it was the first time I stopped at Lake Taupo, and it was the first time I stooped at Huka Falls. Then we went for the luge and it was the first time I attempted all three tracks! Ivy and Helen went to Rainbow Springs while we are up there doing luge - remarkably André nearly "killed" Pedro's wife on the luge (well a bit exaggerated I guess...)!
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The only sad thing was Bhagya's message. When we were at around Bombay, i.e. the edge of Auckland, Bhagya sent a message to André's phone saying that Sasanka's dad just passed away in Sri Lanka and they were flying back that night. Sasanka and Bhagya went to ski trip with us as well but on day 3 they went back to Auckland straight without stopping at Taupo and Rototura. The bad news came after they were back home. André was very upset about it. I was quite upset too. That was New Zealand's Father's Day. When my dad came to pick me up from the office, I expressed my sadness and felt glad to see him on the Father's Day.
Girl Power!
ASD Quarterly Spring 2008 is out! For people who have no idea what it is, ASD Quarterly is our team magazine and we just have our 3rd edition ready.I wrote the lead article for this edition on the topic "Girl Power!", which is about the girls in the ASD team. For this edition André and Warner had took some photos of Szu-Yu, Helen and I in the park opposite to our office. Releasing photos prior to the edition is forbidden, but even though the edition is out now, I am afraid that Szu-Yu and Helen would be angry if they find out I put the photos here. So I think...hmm...maybe just a few... :) 
Helen has a very pretty one that I am really tempted to put it here... let's see... if someone put that on facebook, then I will put it here... 
P.S. Since Helen said this is her favourite photo (too), so I am going to put it up here before anyone put them onto facebook!
15 September 2008
Showing love
I have to say, it's so hard to organise a dinner, especially when the one you are organising for keep forgetting who to invite, or keep changing mind... hahaha, just joking. It's good to organise a dinner for a friend you love. Doing this is a bit out of my comfort zone, but I guess this is good a way to show your love to somebody, and I want this person to feel being loved.
Recently I am trying to be a nicer person, as well, coincidently?
Recently I am trying to be a nicer person, as well, coincidently?
11 September 2008
in bed, blah blah blah
It's 10:45 p.m. now. I should go to sleep very soon, since tomorrow is another working day. The good thing is, it's Friday, and I usually work much less on Friday. I am not a workaholic like JD, not even half of his workaholic behaviour. I am a good girl, sleep early, get up... not so early, balance between work and life most of the time even among my busiest time.
That's probably the reason why i don't think I am qualified to be a "geek". A geek, to me, has to love his job, love coding, excited about new technology... I do love my job, but my ambition is to work part time only and the rest of my time can be spent on studying Arts subjects or learning something different. I do love coding, though I do love too many other things more than coding, such as nature, dogs, cats, artworks, literature, operas, Classic Pooh, pretty dresses, House M.D., Dexter, Bones, pretty jewelleries, food,...etc.I am excited about new technology, when I notice strategically how that technology can be recognised and applied in the market. For very cool technologies that have not much practical value, honestly I am not that interested.
Hmm... actually I am quite girly most of the time. I love princess stories and cute icons (although I also love transformers especially Optimus Prime) and I wear cat pyjamas every night. I love dresses and don't like wearing trousers. See, it's not that I don't want to be a "geek", it's more like I don't qualify to be one.
yep, it's not about whether I am always trying to deny or not. :P
11:09 p.m. Time to sleep.
That's probably the reason why i don't think I am qualified to be a "geek". A geek, to me, has to love his job, love coding, excited about new technology... I do love my job, but my ambition is to work part time only and the rest of my time can be spent on studying Arts subjects or learning something different. I do love coding, though I do love too many other things more than coding, such as nature, dogs, cats, artworks, literature, operas, Classic Pooh, pretty dresses, House M.D., Dexter, Bones, pretty jewelleries, food,...etc.I am excited about new technology, when I notice strategically how that technology can be recognised and applied in the market. For very cool technologies that have not much practical value, honestly I am not that interested.
Hmm... actually I am quite girly most of the time. I love princess stories and cute icons (although I also love transformers especially Optimus Prime) and I wear cat pyjamas every night. I love dresses and don't like wearing trousers. See, it's not that I don't want to be a "geek", it's more like I don't qualify to be one.
yep, it's not about whether I am always trying to deny or not. :P
11:09 p.m. Time to sleep.
10 September 2008
Nighttime
Now my little-prince is sleeping next to me.
My laptop is still on, I am chatting with people, looking at blogs, reading e-mails.
I am a little bit sleepy, yet do not want to sleep.
André is still working in the office, trying to find all the food I have on and under my desk to fill his stomach.
10:39 p.m., too early for sleep, too late for work.
My laptop is still on, I am chatting with people, looking at blogs, reading e-mails.
I am a little bit sleepy, yet do not want to sleep.
André is still working in the office, trying to find all the food I have on and under my desk to fill his stomach.
10:39 p.m., too early for sleep, too late for work.
09 September 2008
Love
Love is difficult and confusing, yeah I know. Yet we all still enjoy being loved as well as loving, I guess the level of difficulty and confusion is never enough to make us avoid the loneliness and sadness of not being loved and not loving. We are the so-called freewill creatures that cannot choose to abandon love.Give me a kiss - from Hershey's kisses.
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