I can feel his pain and sadness, and I really care a lot, yet I am also disappointed by myself for the fact that I think I am not sad enough. It’s the same thing when I knew my grandma passed away in HK while I was here in NZ: I couldn’t really feel it until a lot later, after half a year. This time I guess I will feel the reality of death much sooner since I will be experiencing it. Till then, I cannot say I am very very sad, I just… can’t. I think I should, and I know I should, but I just can’t. Sometimes I wonder am I just slow or actually sociopathic. I hate myself for this, I really, hate myself, such a terrible person. Why my sad and sorrow emotions always kick in too slow?
For sure this whole thing is not about me, but my mind keep questioning my heart.
This is definitely one of the hardest things - if not the hardest - in his life. I am not sure how to handle it so I prayed that at time I cannot comfort him or understand his sadness God will be with him, comfort him and listen to him. Realising how useless I am doesn’t help the situation, but at least I can ask God to help.
I hope I can do better for him.
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