最近興起了幾次輕生的念頭，然而不像往常一樣因為情緒低落，卻是經思考得出來的結論。說起來更難抗拒，因為情緒的念頭還能用殘餘的理性思想來處理，理智的分析卻不是情緒能左右的。只好不小心聯想到了，就放在一旁不去加深思考。
有一次駕車，前面的白色車子由一個滿頭白發的婆婆駕著，載著三個小孩子。是載孫子上學吧？我老了要這樣嗎？不要吧。一點也不想這樣呢。那我想怎樣？我甚麼也不想哦。或者死掉好一點吧。
經過一間律師行。律師是做甚麼的呢？我會有天做別的工作嗎？我想做別的工作嗎？我現在做的是甚麼呢？若我不工作又做甚麼好呢？每天好像甚麼也沒做似的，有沒有我世界還是一樣吧。我做不做些甚麼對我對別人都沒有分別呀。就是對別人有用，我死了對我自己也就一樣了哦。不如死掉吧。
如此類推。
不要說世界很可愛，人很好，我很有貢獻，人生很有意義。。。我不相信這些的。
我差唔多日日都會想死..........///-_-///
ReplyDelete乜人唔係為左死而生存ge咩？
for some strange reason, you seem to think along the same line as me. isn't that kind of sad? in a way?
ReplyDeleteseems like we will have the same line of thought lei. on a sad issue.
sal, that's kind of sad in a way, coz that means there are two close friends who cannot get each other out of suicidal thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAt the worst scenario they become a supportive source of each other and go to kill themselves in certain way separately --- yeah if this is a movie.
Though it's real life. Let's not be too dramatic.
hugh, i have heard that too many times... kinda boring now. :P
「我甚麼也不想哦。或者死掉好一點吧。」
ReplyDelete「我做不做些甚麼對我對別人都沒有分別呀。就是對別人有用，我死了對我自己也就一樣了哦。不如死掉吧。」
The last sentence doesn't followed from the first (few) sentence(s). Unless "不想" means something similar to dislike--but it doesn't seem like you're hating your life so much...
Either way, it's not exactly rational or reasonable anyway.
You are right, for sure, logically. Ha ha, my dear philosopher friend. That's I will never be a good philosopher, coz I believe things on earth never logical.
ReplyDelete